FAMOUS DWIGHT SCHRUTE QUOTES

“Whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.”

“Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”

“Schrute Farms is a magical place. In addition to the beets, we grow radishes, carrots, and even some heirloom tomatoes. Although, I did have to take care of a few wild rabbits recently. Turned out they were just lost, but still, I showed them who’s boss.”

“If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the screaming.”

“I am faster than 80% of all snakes.”

“I have been Michael’s number two guy for about five years, and we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams, he’s like Mozart and I’m like Mozart’s friend.”

“I’m not a hero. I’m a high-functioning sociopath.”

“I signed up to be part of a team and my team is the Scranton branch. And my team happens to be in the hallway and I’m stuck in here with Jim. Great.”

“I’m not a hero. I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else. The only difference is, once my pants are on, I make gold records.”

“I’m always thinking one step ahead. Like a carpenter that makes stairs.”

“I am Dwight Schrute. I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… And a panther.”

“There’s a lot you can learn from a dummy. How it managed to get elected president, I’ll never know.” QUOTES ABOUT MAKING AN IMPACT ON THE WORLD

“When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.”

“The couch is the quintessential symbol of comfort. Who wants to sit on a chair when you can sit on a cloud?”

“I despise anyone who knows all the facts before they go on air. It ruins the surprise.”

“Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing.”

“I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken, chicken on goat, couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching.”

“I do not fear the unknown. I face the unknown every day. I’m Dwight Schrute.”

“In the Schrute family, ‘sustainable’ is a way of life. We sow our own crops, we raise our own livestock, and we store our own urine. And that’s how we know it’s pure.”

“R, stands for… radon. I, I’m not sure what symbol you’d use, maybe ‘Iodine’? Apparently Dwight has another identity.”

“I never smile if I can help it. Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.”

“Before I do anything, I ask myself, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.”

“People underestimate the power of nostalgia. It gives hope, it lets you think things were better than they actually were. Even now, as I walk through the empty halls of Dunder Mifflin, I can’t help but smile at the memories. Nostalgia, it’s truly a powerful drug.”